Never you

If you really think I write lines, using you as inspiration,
you’re jaded, now that you’ve finally realized that
your momentum is linear, and you’re a culpable,
broken mass and age has crippled your velocity,
goose-stepping from married
man to married man, knowing the rules, and breaking
them, flushing marriages down the toilet, leaving
women disconnected, detached, disengaged,
the alcohol they beat, now used to fight
insomnia, a gin-soaked sober reality, blurred
nonchalance, you thought being a pseudo-ascetic,
taking pictures in those alabaster peaks,
posting them for the world to see gave you
dominance, domination, dominion, but
suicidal tendencies stayed, and you
couldn’t help but call,
still trying hard to sound superior
now that I’m forced
to cope without those pills, skin no
longer seething, struggling but
breathing, finally losing weight,
often falling, but dusting
myself and trudging forward, I can call you
a fame-whore or a gold-digger,
but ravens masquerading as
song birds will shriek, fly to your defense,
pecking my flesh for just expressing myself,
but I’m learning to not give a damn,
and so I’ll compare you to her, not using
hardcore imagery, purple prose reaching
false climaxes, or like she’s a guardian of the
wood under a nebulous sky, the tendrils
surreally reaching down, immortalizing,
glorifying, enshrining us, ink
spills, but I think we all know fate turns
it into blood, slowly crusting, until
it’s wiped clean from the pages of existence,
no blemish, no spot, I love her because
she admits things you never did,
I love her because she stays though my
memory fades, I love her because
she’s no time-traveling cougar
suddenly caught in a millennial crisis,
with fiery eyed false grit trying to
fight the now too popular cage
using poetry contests, awards or re-blogs,
or quasi-inspiration,
and I fucking love her
because she’ll leave if the time comes,
allowing me to fight my last war alone,
and uncertainties frequently make certainties,
circumstances make realities, realities
pivot circumstances, negativity sometimes makes
positivity, and things unsaid, undone
makes the s-t-r-i-n-g that keeps us together.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2017)

Protected by Copyscape

12 Comments

  1. I really love the structure of this poem, the rise and fall of your thoughts. There is a certain hope that I strangely find in the love you portray.

  2. I really do enjoy how you write. It tells a story, your thoughts coming undone. I never know what to comment on poetry most of the time, but I really do like your style

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