What’s worth living and hell, dying for

He grew up in a pristine house, given everything, and yet, he received no love from his parents. They feigned kindness, and pretended sympathy, but children know the truth. He studied well, got great grades, but as he reached adolescence, a deep void within him grew, and to satisfy it, he began a cold and calculated hunting down of animals. He’d kill them and then bury them, after flaying them, and sit and smile, delighting in the woods and his exploits, while the sunlight glinted through the trees. As he reached his twenties, the void within engulfed him completely, and he just couldn’t reciprocate. He decided to hunt for bigger prey: his own species, and murdered people, before removing all traces of evidence, and took a sadistic thrill in it. He’d meditate after murdering, and think of the pristine house he grew up in. Outwardly he seemed like the kindest man, and a well accomplished one at that, but within he had no soul, and robbed others of theirs after befriending them and winning them over.

The other grew up with a single mom. His father left when he was six months old. His mother wasn’t perfect, but what she did, she did out of genuine, heartfelt sacrificial love. She nurtured the boy, perhaps showed him too much affection, and she was heartbroken when he rebelled. He spent years coming home drunk, and being distant to the mother who did so much. He wasted her money, and really amounted to nothing. People gave up on him. The house was never perfect, but he made it all the more disorderly. But then it slowly dawned on him. It slowly shook his core, and melted his heart, and he changed. Now, change wasn’t easy, but he strove and strove to make his mother proud and to become a responsible young man. Today, he works a small job, takes care of his ageing mother, and now has a girlfriend who suffered but came out stronger. And when I say stronger, I don’t mean the emotionless grit. Sure, they’re stoic at times, but deep down they’re capable of the deepest love, and if that’s not success, I don’t know what is.

As people, there will come a time when we ask ourselves what’s worth living for. Is it fame, prestige, money or sadism or is the purest, deepest, craziest love? And I’ve realized that one thing alone remains, and triumphs over negativity and dark impulses. And it isn’t philosophy or ideas or beauty. No it’s something you feel that’s so intense, that moves you to the kindest action, changes the worst parts of you, and makes you believe in life and people again: It’s true love. Find it, seek it with all your being because nature stays, solitude remains, sorrow refines, philosophy enlightens, but love conquers.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)

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