If my words have provoked you, or hurt you, both in a direct or indirect way, then I take absolute responsibility for the sorrow I’ve caused. I will not play the blame game, and say that it was my neurosis or psychosis that made me do something wrong. I let those off-tune pipers who seek my dissonance to play their song, without making an effort to not listen to them. I let delusional fury seethe and scald my inner being without even attempting to baptize myself in light. But please know that I stopped judging people sometime ago, and even when they unnerve me, I make sure I sublimate or make amends. I no longer let the hammer thud, and a voice echo, saying, “He or she’s guilty!” No, I seek to understand and learn from both my mistakes, and the wisdom and ugliness of others. Now, I respect humanity, but I cannot love everyone, which is why, I cut ties with people who’re bound to cause friction; never going near them, because my fractured bones heal, and I don’t intend to splinter them again; others I keep a healthy distance from, because I can’t let each idea soak into my head and give my darkness something to gnaw on. And still others, I offer a hand of friendship, and warmth, and if it’s taken I’m grateful, and if not, I understand and move on. And finally for a handful, I let love overwhelm and overpower me, and echo that affection and action, because they did/do the same for me through it all. And these are my apologies and my self, stripped off its skin. This is my core and my final stance. I decided and acted upon this a while ago, avoiding declaration, because things felt and done hold the beauty of a precious stone, glinting in the cadence of the milky moonlight, while things said often only hold a false aura that seems like valor or discretion. But having acted, I guess, I can tell you, now that the deeds slowly fall into place that here I stand.
© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)