Innocence within the femme fatale

There’s something about her writing that brings me back. It isn’t a Fitzgerladean crescendo, slowly building up in the tender night, tugging at your heartstrings eloquently and ethereally. No, it’s sprinkled with sawdust, and rusty nails, but once you dig deeper – at the risk of getting injured – you’ll find a hidden gem with so much depth and candor: multifaceted and transparent. But I’m sure a lot of people don’t dig enough: either from the fear of reciprocation, or because their superficiality and walking canes make them tragically stereotype themselves. We’re quick to label writing as coarse, or cantankerous, when we have our own periods of vulgarity during the day, which the Sauvignon never solves. An artificial faux-elitist conservativeness is what I call it. And I’m guilty too, but I’ve moved beyond it. An indelible keloid or a permanent tattoo both cut through skin, and just because the latter seems attractive, it doesn’t mean the former doesn’t bring with it the pain of experience. But I go back to her, and I like the diamond in the dust – if you’ll permit me to use a cliché – or the eccentric frequency like Miles Davis’ Paraphernalia submerged beneath layers of Grindcore, and who’s to say I don’t like both? I can listen to Meshuggah bringing individual units together to form a polyrhythmic machine, before finding another swirl of life in Chet Baker and Paul Desmond playing a standard like Autumn leaves: The latter’s unique alto tone evoking more than feelings; almost literally placing me in another space and time. There’s so much beauty in art, but it lies in perception, and never in battles for superiority, or petty feud – counter feud poetry. We’re just individuals, and from a bird’s eye view, we’re one with the earth we walk on, shaped and molded by it, and what we create should facilitate growth, and nurture a collective artistic consciousness. Irrespective of the approach: confessional, descriptive, satirical, or a separation between the writer and his work, or pure stream of thought, this journey is beautiful.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)

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29 responses

    • Wow. That’s a very generous comment. I read a Q and A post of yours yesterday, and I’m guessing you’re in your early twenties, and trust me, you are miles away from who I was then. My mind’s only expanding now that I’m nearing 30. I guess it’s the black coffee and Marlboro routine! Thanks again.

      • Haha. I’m 29, and inching close to 30. I guess we’re all a little immature. Having said all that, I think no two people think in exactly the same way, which is why I’ll counter the mind expanding bit, by just saying that experience makes us.

      • I was teasing a bit, there are many reasons why you’re right on with suspecting I was younger. Filling out a Q and A like that for one, but also in all honesty there is a part of me that comes across as very naive.
        You have a way of articulation I admire and gain such a welcome perspective from. In other words, I appreciate your voice.
        We can leave it at that of you’d like. 🤗

      • Oh I knew you were teasing. I had a cooler, funnier and less introspective relaxed side to me, which now lies submerged in my consciousness. And though I tug, I come across as very serious. Like a funeral singer or an effing prude! And, I guess it’s the shunning of naivety and growing up too soon. I like that you appreciate my voice. I kinda yours too. It’s fresh, younger 😋 and unique. Your turn 😉

      • Ha. Well I will continue because you keep making me think of things to say!
        Personally, I gravitate to serious and introspective. I am guessing that’s because I’m a very serious person. I’ve wokred very hard over the very few years I’ve been alive 😋 at sharing another more lighthearted side but what parallels that at all times is my serious self just under the skin. So, please, I’m perfectly content with your seriousness. And honestly, I can see through things you write that you have a good blend of all things because of how discerning and intuitive you are.
        And I like you’re lighthearted self too it turns out! It’ll be like a treat when I get to experience this on the rare occasions it happens. 😉

      • Well, now you’re making me think of things to say. I think my life went the other way round. When I was younger, I prank phone called people, got drunk and high, but now in this much older 😋 post quarter-life crisis, I’m too introspective. And judging by your comment it’s seems like you’re a plethora of different shades of jazz, and I like everything from ragtime to bebop to Mingus to cool jazz and hell, even smooth jazz. And so, virtual coffee or tea? 😉 Oh, and one other thing, don’t be surprised if a bunch of cyber creeps try their best to ruin the treat. It revolves around an ex (if you can call it that!) and some weird fan following. So cupcakes now. We’ll save the wine and dinner for later 😏

      • I had a terribly long comment typed out so I suppose I wasn’t as speahless as I thought. Although it disappeared and has annoyed me. But it ended with “your crisis seems to be turning out well for me and now I feel bad about it.” 🤷‍♀️

      • Oh they’re just a sorry bunch of North Indian stalkers who try contacting everyone who’s in touch with me, or frequents my blog regularly and spread half-truths. There was a time when I lashed out, but I took down those posts, because they don’t bother me anymore. I don’t read them, have removed a few from my blog, and exhale any silly emotion with the Marlboro! So no crisis, and no need to feel bad. I don’t care about them, and neither should you or anyone. Well I’m going with coffee 😏

      • Haha, sorry to have missed the virtual encounter choice! I’ll take coffee. That sounds perfect.
        I suppose your warning just surprised me. I’ve had my share of hecklers online for various reasons so I get that. People. Sheesh. I did pause even longer to contemplate the part about “the ex, if can call it that” 🤔
        Anyhow, nothings going to ruin my treats. Damn it.

      • It’s a good choice. Coffee any day. About the ex part, well here’s the deal: I had a neurotic episode, a few months ago, and contacted a woman blogger from India, but one who lives in the North. I live in the South. She asked for my number, and I’m reluctant to give strangers my no, but I did. And then she said she was attracted to me after one conversation. I guess sometimes you give in. It’s was a few months ago after all, and I was still young you see😋 And then things went wonky. She said she loved me after two days of phone texts. And I should have ended it right there, but said okay and feigned reciprocation, but ended it the next day. You know how some people get the worst out of you, right? Then her friends who are these extremely young 😋 twenty somethings messaged me saying this is not done and asked me how I could ‘unlove’ so easily! And it pissed me off: Two days, phone texts and love? Lol! But then she called back asking me for another chance and since I was still just growing older😋 I gave in, but man, the pressure and her possessiveness made me want to just cut ties. So after four more days, I said I’m done. But then she started writing poetry about sighing and moaning and how it meant nothing lol. And so I responded with satire, saying sighing and moaning over the phone isn’t the actual deal. Hell, I never met her! And will never want to! Then came a barrage of fuck yous, intimate stuff spilled on the blogosphere, and her friends bashing me left, right and centre. Twisting what I said during my neurosis (which I take responsibility for and should have never done) and contacting bloggers and saying, “He said this about you!” When they said worse things; copying and pasting messages without replies, and trying to ostracise me. And I wrote some volatile as hell poetry, and lashed out, before the beard grew 😋 and something said, give them no attention at all. And eliminate a few who try sweet talking you, sending you emails and stuff, and then play a double game, and so, I did. The last I heard, they’re still countering my posts which aren’t directed towards anyone and are just my thoughts. But I don’t reciprocate or read. I stopped judging except in extreme cases when I’m forced to. I appreciate art of all kinds, and I think this feud business, which is like the rap game is petty. Hell, I can’t change people, so I’ll just drink coffee with you 😉

      • I’m so tired of writing responses and having them disappear!
        Anyhow, you have no need to be concerned for anything I might receive in regard to you. I do appreciate that warning though.
        Having had my own experiences online I realize the strange things we encounter.
        I’m fairly strong minded and intuitive, I know what I like and I like your perspectives and perceptions as well as your ability to target a thought and take it to a new place for me.
        If anyone were to contact me regarding you I would take with the skepticism it deserves and believe it was some sort of vendetta against you, please no worries.
        You’ve sealed your fate as a regular morning coffee habit for me. Thank you dear Nitin. 🙂

      • Fine. Then we’re cool EC. I think I’ll have to stick to calling you that until we progress to the wine 😉 Like you said. People. Bah! Yes, we definitely encounter strange things online that beats absurd postmodern fiction! And I like someone who’s strong minded. Anyhow, I’ll write something later. I’ll have to catch up on posts too.

    • Oh okay. I guess I interpreted it a little differently. Well I’m looking forward to reading. I’m guessing all of you use a fine-tuned stream of consciousness like I normally do. Or perhaps you each have your individual tones. Either ways, I’ll read.

    • Thank you Orange. Hell my phone shows emoticons now whenever I type in something, and so, I guess my thesis on the hermeneutics of emoticons will be easier!

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