I wanted more than a hazy kind of love. Sure, the pills gave me a glow, and the sex with her was electrifying, but we soon plummeted into some anti-catharsis, some dark, smog filled pit of despair as the effect wore out, and once it did, we needed that external stimulation to keep us going – some ephemeral high, lightening our crosses, and with each drag or pop, we waltzed round and round in a room which only looked serene because beneath each shade of blue lay something rotten, threatening to overwhelm and envelope us, and I couldn’t handle it anymore: That life, that false nirvana lulling us along to some imagined song, and so I walked away, even though I loved her, but thinking back, was it love or clinging to a false pillar, thinking it supports? Was it romance or induced delusion by two minds fallen into complete abandon, and broken hearts barely beating? But I’m putting those questions aside darling, because as I searched and hungered, never finding solace in the parting of the clouds at dawn, or the slow cadence of the cool air, I looked and saw you, standing right beside beauty’s home – the architecture something exquisite, intricate and divine, with lanterns of love lacing the front yard with a delicate expression of affection, and I carried you in my arms, and walked right in, breathing each scent of this new home and tasting the flavor of your skin, imbibing the soft beige walls and the dusky mild chocolate cupboards while I planted each kiss and absorbed your natural middle-complexion: so alluring, so bone-chilling, letting the waters of substance engulf me, while you did the same.
© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)