You should know by now that I love you, even though I hardly say it. You should know by now that I’ll live and die for you, though my tears are dry. If only trial and circumstance didn’t make me hard, if only a cesspool of madness which fate baptized me in, didn’t make me unpredictable, if only a vortex of apparitions didn’t carry me away and set me on a shore of agony, darkening each particle of my existence, making me unable to distinguish between reality and chimera, light and ink, paranoia and angelic hope, I’d give you so much more, love you with an intensity unparalleled, kiss you tenderly, tantalizingly and tellingly. We’ve woven this story of togetherness and despite each inner window shutting, slowly barring my light, we’re clinging to each other: body to body, mind to mind, soul to soul. But if I’m gone tomorrow: a train wreck of a man, anesthetized to basic survival with an arthritic mind, unable to grasp the simplest picture of you, I want you to move on, because I know you’ll want the same from me. Life gives us hope, despair, recollections to cherish, and echoes of now to clasp, cling to with all passion and ardor, and in this moment, I’m crazy about you.
© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)