Don’t f*** with me

I walk to the basement and look at the old Trek,
unused, unwelcome and uninvited like the woman
who haunts my space like a ghost, thinking she’ll
get pennies for each time she makes a cameo in
my dreams, standing in the corner, against a withered
tree with a begging bowl. You can’t make me love you
‘darling’, I don’t tell her, because words will make her
flourish and I don’t want her ripe. I like her being this
forsaken, forlorn, fucked up bud, thinking I’ll
be her season of effervescence. Ha! She can suffocate,
stifle or smother me with a cloak of false affection,
but she’ll never win my heart. Oh, when will you realize
that I don’t give a fuck if you’re sobbing or masturbating,
shaking or menstruating, shrieking or masticating forever
on the dry bones of yesterday? Fetch! I shout, and you’ll run,
and when you return I’m not there, but you are, forever
waiting on June’s rain. Well, let it rain with storm clouds
and thunder, but you’ll only find solace in debris and litter
because that’s your curse—forever alone, forever dramatic,
theatrical, histrionic, hoping someone will care. Well, they might,
if you let go ‘gracefully’, but those words don’t mean a thing, so
chew on your bone, and lick on putrefying flesh, and
don’t come hunting for a pet, hug or warmth because like
I’ve said once, you mean nothing. You’re the one foolishly
reading my lines, unable to stop, filled with a psychopathic
craze, delusional, disoriented and disturbed, masquerading
as someone you’re not. I know you’re dead poetry on
a broken wall, crumbling, tumbling and crashing,
splattered with dirt and dung. So, go ahead and plagiarise
this too. Talented! Ha! A thief! Filled to the brim
with ditch-water, and you’ll only receive more of this
unless you’re either completely crushed, or leave me
completely, totally and wholly the fuck alone.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)

Protected by Copyscape

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    1. Yeah someone messed with my head Devika. I hope it’s not too provocative. I’m mad because some people don’t leave me alone. And this is one of the reasons I drink everyday.

        1. You’re right. Karma will get people who mess with people when they haven’t wronged them and have moved on. Thanks Devika. You’re a voice of reason. I’ll write something else now. Do you want to collaborate? I’d like writing prose with mature people like you, It helps me regain my sanity. Let me know if you want to.

        2. Nitin, I am already lined up with my work, writing and mental chaos. Actually, I could have done the collab it’s just not the right time I guess, for my mind. And sincerely,without any crap talks I appreciate your getsure for the same. But may be next time,

          Till then do keep writing, something that makes you cringe for good prose. You know what I mean.
          Stay happy!

        3. Cool. I understand Devika. I’ll be taking a break soon, but contact me anytime you’re free and want to collaborate. And thank you. Yeah I know what you mean! Take care.

  1. Shit, man! This is great but that sucks. You know, this is the perfect example of rising from ashes… in that, someone screwed you over and you took all that anger and disappointment and energy and you made it into something really wonderful that the rest of us can read and feel and become a part of. And every one of us who reads it takes a piece of that with us and little bit away from you. ))hugs(( my friend. Really.

    1. Thank you so much Tara. I’m humbled by your kind words. Yes, it’s always better to write out your frustration, and use your anger to create art. It’s cathartic. I’m glad you resonated with it. I think we all can do. And yes my friend, right now, I need a hug!

  2. I actually loved this. But I’m a woman on a blog site and have real insight into your actual life to warn your or caution you in anything.
    If I were to write something like this, as if I even could, but if I were it would just be to express anger on paper so to speak. Not a real anything but that feeling. S,e,Esther row exposure is catarctic to the best level.
    Your are a brilliant expressionist 🤗

    1. Yeah it’s always better to write out your frustrations. I always do that because it brings calm later. My motto is to write it all out and never act it out. And I think I’m succeeding, though I’m irritable now and then in real life, and stumble. But then I apologize and get back to art. It’s definitely cathartic. And thank you so much EC! You humble me.

  3. As I read this I think of an exorcism, I can never completely rid myself of my demons but I’ve learnt how to keep the bastards in line, it is a curse of the poet’s mind, the price we pay for creativity, we open doors but can never be sure what lies over the threshold…… and nothing opens doors better than a dram or 3 of Uisge beatha – (water of life). Powerful writing, and much appreciated.

    1. It is an exorcism of sorts Nigel. The bastards just won’t leave me alone. And so, I write about it all, because they just won’t quit with their inside jokes or hate or spam. Yeah, you’re right. Every writer has his/her share of stalkers and haters. Sometimes I wish like vehemently derailing them, but then again, I’m human unlike them. Thank you for resonating with this piece.

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