A song of experience

A lament rises from these dry bones, encased in
a coffin of a life gone by,
when I was young, my father the demon, said, ‘I am thine
and thou art mine,’ with a devilish, deceitful, duplicitous grin,
when I was young, my mother the angel said, ‘Stay strong and
surely, you’ll succeed,’ with a sincere, serene, simple smile,
when I was young, my brother, the stoic said, ‘Your scrimshawed
feelings are yours alone; don’t give them even a peak,
and definitely not a graze,’ with a stern, stubborn, sterile face,
when I was young, my sister,
the naïve said, ‘Yours is the world and all possibilities become
actualities if dreamt into existence,’
with an innocent, introspective, irreproachable charm,
when I was young, my lover,
the impassioned said, ‘Kiss me, you’re the heart of this (heart)
and soul of this (soul)
and never will I ever abandon all that’s you and I,’
with a feverish, furious, ferocious hold,
when I was young, my second lover, the kind said, ‘Paint the colors
of your heart on the canvas of
my being and grasp me tenderly under the sliced moonlight,’
with a peaceful, placid, peaceable touch.

Time drifts and I’ve drifted with it, but not elegantly.
Age carries, and I carry it, but not gracefully.
Life rises and falls, and books meet dust, and this room smells of mildew,
and by and by I’m fading, falling, slipping, sliding.

I’ve learnt much and seen so much more.
I’ve touched much and felt so much more.
I’ve tasted much and heard so much more.

Love eludes me now, whirling round and round, setting everything without on
fire with her dance, but never thawing the ice within.
Lust possesses me now, echoing and echoing, setting everything within on
fire with his voice, and ever thawing the ice without.

Cheap motel rooms and cigarettes; one-night stands and ashen hyacinths –
These I know, these I know, intimately and intensely.

Perfume and cascading hair, with eyes like brown tourmaline –
Her I’ve never kissed, her I’ve never kissed, intimately and intensely.

The smog rises and obscures my window, the world’s full of blurred
objects and abstract shapes, and a simulacrum of truth is all I know,
everything is now a hazy imagination, my vision’s blurred,
the smoke rises, and I exhale, the sharp liquor burns my throat,
a fatalist’s escape, and I know I need the real, but I also know
I want my delusion.

A lament rises from these dry bones, encased in
a coffin of a life gone by,
now that I’m older, I say, ‘Life and death sing the same song in the
same key to the same wind, and what happened will happen again,
and there’s nothing I can do but cut through weeds of paranoia,
despair and angst, knowing I’ll never fully heal.’

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)

Protected by Copyscape

25 thoughts on “A song of experience

    1. Thank you so much my fellow Space Ghost and Justice League loving friend. The formatting was a bit wonky when you read it. I corrected it now. P.S. Android 18 is awesome.

    1. Thank you so much Tosha. Do you use a self-hosted site or a WP hosted site? I had a lot of trouble with them on my last blog. But it’s cool. The likes don’t matter. I’m just very glad that you’re reading my work.

      1. WP hosted scares me at times, but then you get the community. Self-hosted sites are very complicated on the other hand. And thank you again Tosha. The feeling is mutual. I enjoy your work too.

  1. So tearful and good! I loved this part: “Life and death sing the same song in the
same key to the same wind” – it reminded me of Ecclesiastes. Very deep and haunting – just how I like my poetry.

    1. Thank you so much! Ecclesiastes happens to be my favourite book in the Bible because of its nihilistic tone. Some say it’s a book of repentance, but I say it’s a book about just being jaded and weary after one has experienced enough to know the futility of all things.

      1. Well you definitely channeled that theme and tone. Ecclesiastes is one of my favorites too. It’s so brutally honest, how can a person not gravitate towards that? “There’s nothing new under the sun…” Here we are thousands of years later and it rings as true today as it did back then.

      2. Yeah and there’s this sense of detachment too, unlike David’s psalms which have their own emotive beauty. Like you said, it’s raw reality that isn’t sugarcoated. But then again no part of the Bible is sugarcoated. Still Ecclesiastes rings as true as it did back then. Agreed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s