I’d like to believe

I don’t know if I see woolly greenish-yellow pastures
like a parakeet’s breast, and peaks like broad, inverted
icicles, or red, bloody flick-knives of grass that have
martyred cowherds for their faith, leading up to
enormous arrowheads dripping with white venom like
froth, embodying hate speeches and propaganda.

I don’t know if I walk on beige, velvet sands –
nature’s cushion, while ringlets of blue peace
gently wash my feet, or on hard ground like
tourmaline made stubborn by callous hearts,
while poisonous blue little pythons seek to
drag me away into the abyss.

I don’t know if I watch the glassy purple chested
Hummingbird seeking a pink cotton candy flower,
flying neither too high or too low, but finding its
equilibrium, or if I watch a small weapon with a small
bloody scythe we call a beak, and razor-like wings
sucking the blood out of a flower and making it
anaemic, like viciousness masked by a
golden Bauta of tenderness, or getting
one’s way no matter what, even if it meant trampling
someone masquerading as white-prophet selflessness.

Does beauty still exist? Does hope triumph?
Or does depravity engulf? Or does hate have no bounds?

Do I see a pyramid of self-actualization, starting at bare
survival and ending at transcendence? Or do I see an inverted one of
self-indulgence, starting at pure corruption and
ending at bare survival?

Questions go unanswered, and the voices, they haunt.
Things are better unsaid, only because expression kills.

Meet me at the crossroads, where the asphalt glints,
urging me to make my choice, and the spiteful sun
pours his wrath on me. Know me at the ramshackle barn
with battered stalls, dead pigs, dying cows with their
ribs showing, and hay scattered. Draw me to an old, brown
cottage with its rustic charm, nestled in breezy reverie, where
the cold, crisp air kisses and faith isn’t something that only holds
the stars together, but something incandescent, burning within
and fueling hope. Love me until I believe and see again.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)

Protected by Copyscape

11 responses

  1. I love this so much. The way you express yourself is beautiful, even the tragic parts.
    My favourite part is your describing of the hummingbird. Lots of beauty there, in the birda and the trees. That is where I find God’s peace and love, and remember that I do still have hope.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m humbled. I find God’s peace in the mountains where there are birds and the air is beautiful, fresh and cold. Perhaps it’s idyllic, but it helps me carry on and fight my battles with Bipolar Disorder, angst and paranoia. Sometimes I feel no hope even there but I guess life goes on and I must move on too.

      • I have similar battles. I have fought them since eight. You are not alone and I agree, the outdoors helps. A lot. I have a lot of birds around my apartment building and I am always looking out to see them. I think my neighbors might think I am a peeping Tom ^_^
        Don’t give up–

      • Thank you for your kind words. I live in an industrial area, and so I don’t have many birds around my apartment complex. It’s just dust and traffic here. But the good news is that I might move permanently or at least for a long time to the mountains soon if things materialise. I hope to find solitude and God’s peace there. And yes, I won’t give up. It’s nice to hear that I’m not alone and there are others fighting similar wars.

  2. From a mustard seed within
    a journey of biblical proportions.
    To seek, and keep on seeking.
    Splendidly written, Pilgrim.

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