Journal Entry: Incapacitated but finding contentment

So, two days ago I had an altercation with an auto driver and things got really ugly. He asked for fifteen rupees extra when I just needed to travel a very short distance. He then did some loose talking and I lost my temper and asked him to shut up before things escalated and I choked him twice. Auto drivers aren’t people you mess with here. Soon he called for help and two people intervened. One looked like a goon. They asked me to pay him and get lost. I did that but then I overheard the driver saying he’d have taken me to his locality and broken my leg. I went home paranoid and I guess that’s when I truly reflected. I wondered if anger is ever worth it and realized it isn’t. I spoke to my mother and she said, ‘You spend thousands sometimes going to a fancy restaurant and here’s a poor man struggling to get by, asking you to give him an extra fifteen bucks. You should have given him the amount.’ I realized then that she was right. Anyhow call it Karma or call it God’s chastisement, the moment I got down from the auto I tripped, and my leg started hurting. I ignored the pain for two days before going to the doctor today. He said I pulled my ligament and luckily didn’t tear it and my plan to go to the mountains next week ended up being shattered. Now, I had a football injury when I was 22 in the same area and tore my ligament and fractured my bones then. Luckily this isn’t so severe, but it still leaves me incapacitated and in a cast for at least ten days. I learned a tough lesson today and I guess I need to just endure the consequences. Rage only destroys you and wrecks others. There isn’t any point to it. It’s better being depressed or sorrowed than vengeful. Trust me. Now, I have my issues but plan to work on them using Mindfulness and the power of inner silence that Thich Nhat Hanh brilliantly explains in his aptly titled book, Silence. He talks about how we often sow the seeds of bitterness, anger, and rage and then they erupt in our consciousness and force us to act foolishly. He talks about not thinking and just breathing and though I’m new to Buddhist philosophy, I’ve found it very helpful to just get rid of the nonstop mind chatter by simply breathing and by letting silence envelope my core. There’s beauty in just being more than constantly trying to become. I’m thankful today despite my injury. It gives me more time to write, to spend time with the family and to listen to good music. It gives me more time to work on my conscious breathing and more time to just be here, and there for the people who love me. So, I’ll be posting more on this platform for a while, while I read your beautiful blogs. Mindfulness has also helped me just ignore negativity and write for both my sole pleasure and for the pleasure of readers who’re supportive and read my work. It even inspired me to write a Petrarchan sonnet which is my next post. And all this in just two days! Until next time.

-Nitin

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11 Comments

  1. Bloody hell… May your recovery be quick, Nitin! I broke my leg four years ago checking on the goat (pictured). It took a year to heal and now (here’s the advantage) I can’t wear any footwear! Heal fast, friend.

    1. A year to heal. Man, that must have been terrible. I’m sorry Bruce. The last ligament tear took me six weeks. I’m not sure how long this one will take. Not wearing footwear is fun huh? And thank you so much for your concern Bruce.

    1. If it does, then I’ve succeeded as a writer. Yes it’s better to simply be. I’ve learned that after years of trial. Thank you Daffni. For just being you.

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