An ode to the now

One day when this long fight is over and
I stand before the throne, asked if I ran
The good run, or pushed that aesthetic hand
Away and chose to be a reckless man –
So self-indulgent, will I say, ‘Oh Lord!
I tried and tried but some scars never heal.’
Or will I say, ‘Though I was this harsh chord
Your grace kept me through and you held, did seal
This sinner who forsook you and said, No!
How you reached out and pulled him from below
The filth and grime of his depravity
And gave him wealth beyond insanity!’
I don’t know what that golden day will bring
But now, despite my pain, I’ll simply sing
A song of thankfulness for the now, here
A song of joy that slowly brings me near
Redemption’s gold or the strength to rise, move
And paints my day with a soft, strong blue hue.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)

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30 Comments

  1. “And even though it all went wrong
    I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
    with nothing on my tongue
    . . . but Hallelujah!”
    ~ Leonard Cohen

    1. I guess it’s true in a way even though that song is slightly erotic and isn’t exactly Christian! But this portion is true. Thank you David.

        1. Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s taken me years of practice and failure and disappointment and I still have a long way to go. Having said that, I think you’re very talented to and I enjoy your work.

  2. What if it’s not about judgment or redemption? What if it’s about loving and accepting ourselves in the now, and thereby others?
    Keep up that breathing and mindfulness. :-)

    1. I’m always torn between those two perspectives my friend. And yes, I will keep it up. But loving yourself and accepting others is necessary, I agree. Thank you for your comment.

      1. I was raised with the first. In the end, it only taught me to judge and be hard on myself, (I know that’s an over-simplification, but …) and is taking a lot of work to release. Getting there. Have you ever read “Dying to Be Me” by Anita Moorjani? That was an incredibly inspiring book. A little slow in the beginning, but ultimately so enlightening and life-affirming. You might like it. Jeanne

        1. I was raised with the first too. And then explored it too deeply with Calvinism. Yeah it’s difficult finding the release right. No I haven’t read it. I’ll look it up right away. And yes, Christianity can be very demanding. Extremely. I shall try getting my hands on the book and reading it. Thank you so much! I really need books like that and I’m glad to have met someone who knows what it’s like. -Nitin

  3. Yikes! Calvinism. Have to go, but know there are always paths to light our way. You know, I believe that the essence of what Christ taught was correct and infinitely loving. It’s what man and his power trips and selfishness so often did with those words that created the judgment and negativity and narrowness that abounds in so many religions today. But that’s for another day … :-) Take care.

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