Dear Carla

The more I live out my booze-soaked existence,
trying hard to claw out of a bog of nothingness
and to grasp at meaning, substance,
and identity, the more I question the authenticity
of this thing we call love. Is it real and
palpable emotion that leads to catharsis,
defeating all regret, and never letting go?
Or is it click-bait pretense that’s one gaudy show
of theatrics and emoticons –
something we profess though we’re
cold and dead inside?
I wish I knew the answers to the questions
I ask and with peace cloaking my doubt-riddled
mind could move on,
I wish I knew if I love you sincerely
because if I did, we’d have closure and know
if we’re only attempting to stay together
though that portrait of who we are
lies burning in the fireplace,
or if this home we’ve created
is genuine and each touch
means something more than foolish fabrication
and yearning for what we’ll never have.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2018)

4 responses

  1. Beautiful, poignant, philosophical. An existentialist poem. Romantic love is indeed so difficult to achieve. Sometimes it remains just as an illusion in our minds and souls, or it is just temporary and unable to last because of the hierarchy of needs in our current world. (see Maslow’s pyramid: https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html) Yet we should not lose all hopes. The kind of love expressed in your beautiful poem seems to be authentic though the first person narrator of this piece questions it.

    • Thank you so much Marta. I wrote an essay on Maslow’s pyramid when I was studying psychology. It’s strange you should mention it. It’s always stayed with me. Yes true, one must never lose hope. Thank you again. That comment brightened my day.

      • I am glad you have liked my comment. I love psychology and it is one of the things I could have studied if it hadn’t been for statistics. I was already very bad at math when I was six while I have always excelled in languages. BTW, your picture without smoking a cigarette is much better for your blog. Well, that is my personal opinion. 😉

      • Oh statistics. I was terrible at it too. Somehow I couldn’t grasp the very essence of the subject. I barely passed. I’m terrible at languages. And you know what, I’m sick of the cigarette pic too! I still smoke though!

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