The five stages of Grief with Binky the Clown

This is an image of a sad clown. I've used it because my post is about a heartbroken clown forced into self-deprecating work because of fate.


My job’s to make you laugh, to give you joy and to coat your hearts with effervescence, and that I’ll do as long as I’m standing on this stage. I lost my second wife a month ago, and since then I’ve spiraled into alcoholism. But I guess it’s better than shooting crap into my arm. I’ve lost my day job selling popcorn at the fair, and I’m struggling to foot the bills, to get by. But enough self-loathing. I’m here to make you laugh, to help take your minds off the stress of actuality.

You come here – every Friday night – after paying the cheap five-dollar entrance because you long for entertainment. You crave for more than sleazy motel room sex with hookers. You want me to make you laugh and then satiate your vulgar appetites. But all I have…okay enough of that!

You’re here now, and it’s time to make you laugh. I’ve worn the green nose and the green lipstick because that’s what Mayor Green favors. He won the lottery this week, and I was mad when the owner said, “It’s green today Binky.” I mean, green! Fuck man! You’re one egotistical prick, aren’t you? Even after all these years of snorting J&J’s Big C, some shred of malicious ego makes you want to humiliate me. Do I have to yell, “Green!” too while you proceed with whatever the fuck you plan on doing with me tonight. Then again, you’re entitled to your fetishes, and I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for this. So, I’m sorry sir. Please take no offense. And please don’t report me. This is all I have left!

I wish my wife, Molly the mime could pull me out of this rut I’m in. But she’s in heaven now, finally speaking, saying, “You’ll get through this Binky! Hang in there!” If only I could have prevented the accident, but we’re a circus, and we take risks. But still, I wish I was powerful and in command. I would have saved her then.

My job is to make you laugh, but I don’t have it in me. I’m exhausted and riddled with the most painful grief. So, take your turns, sirs. Let’s skip this showy sick display and get on with it. Snort your coke off my nose until your mustaches turn white and proceed with all the nasty shit you want to do. I’m all yours. Haha. Haha. Molly! Oh, Molly!

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2019)

Binky the Clown 

14 responses

  1. I admire Binky’s commitment to his job.
    Perhaps Binky should be committed to
    a rehabilitation facility … with a big top?
    I’m sure Molly would have nothing to say
    about that 😎

    • Binky is secretly a top or at least wants to be one lol. So the rehab stint might bring out his more violent tendencies. Hence he copes in the most self-deprecating way possible lol

      • Oh boy! Poor Lindsay and Britney and every other celebrity who made a shipwreck of their lives. It’s funny initially, but then you start to feel real bad for them. And the media does no favours hounding them and portraying them in such negative light. I still remember her in parent trap. I hope she gets her act together eventually. But who am I to preach lol. I’m smoking 30 cigs a day and mooching off my parents while my friends from school drive fancy cars!

      • There will always be greater, and lesser.
        One man’s palace, another man’s gutter.
        Seeing how many live in the “developing
        world” helps put things into perspective.
        Binky’s problems don’t add up to a hill of
        beans. At least he’s not held captive in the
        Moscow Circus, with only Vodka for wages.
        I do have sympathy, but I suffer terribly
        from coulrophobia 😎

        “If dogs run free, why not me
        Across the swamp of time?
        My mind weaves a symphony
        And tapestry of rhyme
        Oh, winds which rush my tale to thee
        So it may flow and be
        To each his own, it’s all unknown
        If dogs run free.” ~ Bob Dylan

    • Clowns help create the best tragedies. When I was young and went to the circus, I remember even the happy clowns bringing sadness. You can see it in their noses! Thank you Bruce!

      • I’ve never been to a circus, but at primary school the circus used the school grounds for their tent. Sister Mary Columbiere too us to watch them in rehearsal. The clown made a mistake and said “Fuck!” Sister Mary Columbiere said, “Come along now children, we’ve probably seen enough”.

      • Lol. It’s all the frustration and the madness and the whackos like Mayor Green. But what can a poor clown who’s got to make an extra buck possibly do. But Sister Mary was probably right in pulling you away. Some realities are best not peered into.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: