This is a picture of a man smoking. The image represents a hedonistic attitude towards life which is one of the central themes my poem revolves around.

I had one too many yesterday, popped pills like I was
scattering dimes on the dinner table, laying them bare,
I smoked a pack of Marlboro Red like I usually do,
flicking the half-smoked cigarettes into the rotten,
weed-strewn patch of land that haunts the left side
of my cracked wallpaper, slightly jaded house.

I stood on a balcony that’s barely holding up like
an oxygenated man needing tubes and needles,
I watched the honeydew sunset with dilated
pupils, drifting in and out of a lazy reverie –
a blurred door in the distance with misty vines
creeping over it, the cobbled path like fish scales,
coalescing now and then. I was half-running, half-stumbling,
but without fear, I tried
getting to the door but suddenly woke up
only to find myself beginning again.

I stood in my thrift store shirt
and track pants, unwashed, unclean
and unattended to. I guess there’s a sense
of freedom in a slightly reckless abandonment
or a partial hedonism.

I didn’t need you at that moment and
I don’t need you now.
I didn’t love you at that moment and
I don’t love you now.
I didn’t feel you at that moment and
I don’t feel you now.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2019)

4 Replies to “Grunge”

  1. Your words are always so alive to me, like your images are so accessible and easy for me to conjure, I see your stories unfold so clearly in my head as if I were watching a play. You are so damn talented, Nitin! xx

    1. Thank you so much! I try my best. There are times when my writing goes all over the place and I have to sit and edit and edit some more! But it’s part of the process. I started all those years ago writing obscure stuff and then love poems lacking depth, before finally drawing from experience (mostly bad) and finding my voice. You inspire me so much. I would love to write with you. If collaboration is something you do. If not, it’s cool. As long as you write, I’m happy. I showed my mother one of your pieces the other day and she wept. You’re very very good at expressing yourself.

    1. Thank you. I’m glad you liked the descriptive parts and the ending. I tried giving this poem a raw, grungy feel as the title indicates. I hope I succeeded.

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