I try getting over you by telling people that I fell out of love with you. But you should know by now that every piece I write revolves around you. And as hard as I try to mask my vulnerability, each line I write strips me of my armor and lays me bare. I look out of my window tonight and watch the streetlights and the glow of the traffic passing by, and an acute sense of loneliness possesses me. Maybe it’s because you’re not on my bed, lying next to me, and I feel like every other friendless person, barely moving on with their lives. I miss you whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I miss your scent and the feel of your skin. I wish things didn’t pan out the way they did between us, but we don’t plot the courses our lives take, do we? We only think we’re fully in control before circumstance and pain interfere and take the wheel from us. There’s so much I wish I had said to you, and so much I wish I hadn’t said. I look at the little motes of dust that my reading light captures and wonder if I’m as insignificant as them in the grand scheme of things.
Lying in bed, the sheets sticking to my soaked skin as I lie and watch the lights reflect on my ceiling. They look like stars. Small, shining and flickering, and it makes me think of you. Of us. I thought we were like the stars, bright and beautiful, boldly taking on the world and what was to come. And we were like the stars. But just like those tiny balls of light in the sky, we burnt too brightly and faded in the same breath. I told you it was meant to be this way, a love like that can’t ignite our passions for too long, before it fades. And that’s exactly what we did. I love you; I did. But I wonder if that was a lie, I told you to keep that star shining, even as it was falling, or perhaps, it was a lie I told myself. To keep me lost in the sky a little while longer with you. And all I have left are those shadows that flicker and fade on my ceiling, reminders of the stars we once so proudly shone amongst.
© Nitin Lalit Murali and Kristen Corbisiero (2019)
This is a collaborative series between me and Kristen of A writer’s soul She’s a very talented writer who pours her heart out into her writing. Do follow her blog.