Now, I was not a person who believed in conspiracy theories. I loved listening to them only because they exhibited how stupid our species often is. I recently heard the one about lizard people living on earth, and I scoffed. “Lizard people!” I said to myself, “I wonder what these morons will come up with next!” I spent days laughing at the notion that some otherworldly beings who could shape-shift into reptiles masqueraded as men and women. So, I can easily say that meeting David Redpath turned my entire life around.

So, who is David Redpath? I can tell you with certainty that he’s not one of us. He’s from Planet Tyrannus Titania. The planet has three Suns; the biggest of which is a Blue Giant. There is no night in Planet Titania, and the Titanians glow, unlike some pasty-faced rednecks who only think they do while they fly the Confederate flag. David is here on a spiritual journey (or so he claims). He says that the Bluegrass the rednecks transmit is like esoteric avant-garde jazz to the Titanians. They already have their Slither Rock which they listen to while they wear their Soma covered skins, but there’s nothing like good old Bluegrass and attempting to boot scoot without their skin. And in case you don’t know what Soma is, google Aldous Huxley who the Titanians carted off and then brought back with a mind of infinite possibilities.

But, I’m skeptical of David’s motives. He mentioned that his planet is very advanced in sunscreen technology, and I often wonder if he’s here to put L’Oréal out of business. He then suddenly said something cryptic about the Titanians thriving on hostility. He mentioned the elections, and suddenly said something wickedly poetic while his eyes rolled back into his head:
“The social engineering phase of ‘Project Mankind’ has almost reached completion.
The incremental conversation to artificial
intelligence is keeping pace with the
technological upgrades provided.
The organism seems to be responding as
predicted to the heightened stimulation.
There are some minor outbreaks of resistance.
Militant veganism, democracy activists, climate change protests, and the like.
But we have the situation well in hand.”

And as I sat terrified, he smiled and said he was joking. Was he? Or do they plan on taking over! I’ll admit that I’m petrified and that I need guidance. How can I stop them! What will become of us!

© Nitin Lalit Murali & David Redpath (2019)

Image by Javier Rodriguez from Pixabay

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