We’ll meet again sometime in a place where God Is an Astronaut plays and the ambiance is just right. We’ll be older then and will have so much to talk about. We’ll be lucid, articulate ourselves better and talk of fights fought and wars won. I guess we’ll also pen some Biblical prose about the fall of our Jerusalem in the vein of Lamentations or a nihilistic Ecclesiastes. We’ll talk about the women in our lives and progress from romances based on a flutter of youthful emotion to those based on tragic ideals – faulty right from the beginning – embodying the love and hate, the yin and yang of our twenty something sex crazed selves. We’ll then progress to older lovers and a more mature catharsis, and marriages and illicit affairs. We’ll talk of our slipshod existences and the guilt mistakes bring. We’ll flaunt the keloids we’ve gained and the tattoos that mean something. We’ll talk of the righteous indignation we felt when people betrayed us, matching the wrath of Jehovah. We’ll talk of walking like nomads without a place to stay – like abominations and outcasts – with Cain’s mark on our foreheads. We’ll shoot Indian rum or sediment soaked cheap Indian wine. We’ll drunk dial exes in both a friendly and a perverse way and say we’ve discarded the scrimshawed jewelry they gave us but kept the panties. We’ll talk about our irrational, antigodlin fears and the paranoia that made our eyes dart from side to side. We’ll talk of absurdism and how we embraced it like a fling with an alluring woman at some point in our lives; fighting despite acknowledging there is no purpose. But all that’s for then, and now, you and I must take leave. I’m going MIA soon and disappearing in the mountains to find new birth or something and your path is yours alone. Farewell friend.

© Nitin Lalit Murali (2019)

Image by Myriam Zilles from Pixabay

23 Replies to “Until we meet again”

  1. I get so engrossed, so totally consumed by your words, that when the piece ends I feel lost/feel a loss/both. Like I’m stunned and have to go back and reread it cos I’m greedy for your thoughts. You always give so much to your work and in turn the reader gets so much out of it. Thank you for writing and sharing and just being you xx

    1. Dear HLR,

      I’ll be taking a break from WP, and this reply will be the last thing I write here in a long time. I’m so glad that the last comment I reply to here is by you. You’ve been such an inspiration in my life, and I always look forward to reading your raw, uncompromising posts of the darker aspects of life. I’ve known those aspects too and I’ve used writing as an outlet (just like you). But of late, I find writing draining me, and I’m psychically ill too because of smoking and other addictions. I think it’s time for me to see what else life has to offer. Few of us are very broken people trying to make sense of grief, loss, pain and the demands fate places on us. And here’s hoping that both of us do. Don’t ever give up. Thank you so much for such a kind and beautiful comment. Thank you for being you xx

      Nitin

    2. Bah, I doubt I can quit writing. I guess I’m going to counter myself by saying that even though writing drains me, there’s so much pain in me, and so much emotion that needs an outlet. And I must write. Perhaps sporadically, but I must, even though I detest it often.

      1. He’s back :D it’s selfish of me to say so but I’m so bloody glad.

        The world needs your words but more importantly I believe that you need (physically, emotionally, spiritually) to get the words and thoughts and pain out of you, even if it’s just to write it all down and burn the page. Every time you share your mind here online, it is an utter privilege for all of us who read you.

        Welcome back, dear friend xx

      2. Haha. Yup 😄 And thank you! It’s hard to write sometimes because of the emotion involved but you’re right, I need the pain and madness out of me and I need to write. It’s like food now and it’s too late to look back. I don’t think I’ve told you this, but I’m amazed by the wealth of experience you possess. You’ve seen so much and your way of articulating it is brilliant. I can’t really compare you to any writer I’ve read. You’re just you and that’s a wonderful thing.

        Take care my dear friend xx

  2. Nitin. You may or may not see this based on your comment above. But I completely agree with HLR. This was totally consuming. Love your writings, brother. May you find peace and light in the mountains. 💕

    1. Thanks Tara. I really wanted to quit, but I’m unable to. There’s just a wealth of mixed emotion in me that needs an outlet. And so…

      1. Fuck it, Nitin. When you went to the mountains or where ever last time you came back refreshed and as the real Nitin (I thought). So when you said you were going permanently I was so sad but I thought yes! this is time for Nitin’s Binky to do his dance. I’m kind of glad my friend. But fucked off at the same time.

      2. Dear Bruce,

        You’re one of the few people who actually care here, and I guess I have things to say still. I’m sorry I upset you. I really wanted Binky to be free! But circumstance chains him. It’s just that I’m going through a very difficult period in my life. It suddenly started a few days ago. And I need an outlet. I’m too emotional a person! Having said that, thank you my friend.

      3. Well I don’t have to put up with the shit that you have to put up with – so I’m free to feel sorry for myself!!!!!!!! (That last bit was a joke). I know you don’t like praise (you bastard) but you are one of the encouragers and critiquers (is there such a word?) in my present days – and I kind of value you immensely. So don’t let whatever shit it is take over completely. You are a friend (and God knows I don’t have very many) Bruce

      4. Ha!! I’m okay with praise, but like I once told you, it makes me manic! Critiquers! Hmmm. Well Shakespeare apparently invented a dozen words. Alex Ferguson (the real bastard) invented ‘bum squeaking time’ and so, critiquers it is. I value you a lot too Bruce. You’ve supported me since those early days when my writing was just taking shape. And despite all that cynicism, you’re real, unlike so many people with a saccharine exterior and an interior riddled with pustules. And hell, I’ve met so many like them. I’ll take a steak over a doughnut any day!

      5. Why don’t you write a Binky special? A rant about the injustices Binky faces. I’m serious. I think it’ll be a good crossover post, and I think he’ll like that’

      6. Kinky the sword swallower. Last I heard he left the business altogether. Perhaps he’ll resurface in your next story.

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